OUR INNER DIALOGUE: THE WISE SAGE, THE COMPASSIONATE GUIDE.. AND THE ABSOLUTE A*HOLE
- Dana Briggs
- Jun 10
- 5 min read
Did you know that back in the day, people were thrown into asylums for something we all do on a daily basis?
Yep, simply for having an inner dialogue. That inner voice that can be both wise and powerful… and then next, a complete A*hole.
At times, it’s helpful — offering ideas, reminders, and a quiet sense of direction. Other times… It’s just noise. Judgy, anxious, overthinking and overbearing.
That’s the inner voice — and whether you’re consciously aware of it or not, it’s shaping the way you see yourself, your decisions, and how you move through the world. It’s not just background noise. It’s your filter, your critic, your cheerleader, and sometimes your biggest saboteur… all rolled into one.
So, What Is the Inner Voice, Anyway?
The Science & Biology of the Inner Voice
Neuroscientists say that our inner voice is a function of the brain’s default mode network (DMN) — a group of interconnected regions that light up when our minds are at rest, processing memories, imagining future events, and running mental simulations. Essentially, it’s the brain’s way of helping us think about thinking.
Dr. Charles Fernyhough, a psychologist and leading researcher on inner speech, explains that our internal dialogue actually develops from external speech. As kids, we often speak our thoughts aloud — narrating actions, expressing emotions, and making sense of the world around us. Over time, that running commentary turns inward, becoming a quieter (but often constant) part of how we think, plan, and reflect.
And yes, it’s totally normal.
In fact, psychologist Russell Hurlburt’s research suggests that around 75% of people experience some form of internal dialogue daily — often multiple times per minute. But it’s not universal. About a quarter of people report little to no regular inner speech at all, thinking instead in images, feelings, or abstract impressions.
So why does that inner voice — for those of us who hear it — sometimes sound like a judgmental troll?
Enter: the amygdala and prefrontal cortex. The amygdala, responsible for detecting threats, often fuels our inner critic, triggering fear-based, negative thoughts. Meanwhile, the prefrontal cortex — the rational, decision-making part of the brain — tries to keep things in check.
The problem? The amygdala is louder. Hence, the unsolicited internal roasting session.
The Spiritual Perspective: Who’s Talking in There?
Consciously speaking, the inner voice has been described in many ways:
The Higher Self – Mystics and spiritual teachers across cultures speak of an inner wisdom beyond the ego. Eckhart Tolle, for instance, suggests that true awareness is the space between thoughts, not the thoughts themselves. Your inner sage? That’s the deeper consciousness beneath the mental chatter.
The Ego – Many spiritual traditions (think Buddhism, Hinduism, and even modern mindfulness teachings) describe the inner critic as the ego—a construct of the mind designed to keep us feeling separate, small, and, let’s be honest, slightly unhinged.
Intuition v Fear - Some believe we have multiple inner voices: one rooted in intuition and higher guidance, the other in fear and conditioning. The trick is learning which one is speaking.
In some practices, it’s about discerning the wise voice from the ego’s chatter. Kind of like having a good cop/bad cop situation running through your head.
Meet Your Inner Voice(s): The Good, The Bad, and the WTF
As someone who lives and breathes consciousness, you’d think I’d have this whole “inner peace” thing nailed down, right?
Well, let me introduce you to my personal internal committee:
The Wise Sage – This one is glorious. It whispers divine wisdom, speaks in poetic metaphors, and gently guides me towards personal evolution. It’s the voice of my higher self, the one who stops me in my tracks, drops truth bombs, then leaves me thinking, where the hell did that come from?
The Compassionate Guide – This voice is soft, kind, and endlessly patient (well, kinda). It reminds me to take deep breaths, love myself through my messiness, and extend kindness to others because we’re all just trying to do our best.
The Absolute A*hole – And then there’s this guy. The one who can be judgmental, fear-focused and downright moody. It’s the voice that serves up unsolicited, often inappropriate language, then leaves me thinking, “Come on Dana, you know you’re better than that!”.
How to Tame the Beast (Or, At Least Mute It a Little)
Okay, so we’ve established that we’re all a bit nuts with these voices in our heads. But how do we stop the A*Hole one from running the show? Here are a few strategies:
Mindfulness & Meditation – Learn to observe your thoughts without getting sucked into the drama. Think of it as people-watching at a mental café, grab the popcorn, sit back and watch the entertainment—you’re there, but you’re not getting involved in the conversations.
Cognitive Reframing – Basically, arguing with your inner troll. Challenge those negative thoughts. Ask, “Is that really true, or are you just being a melodramatic drama queen?”
Self-Compassion – Treat yourself like you would a friend who’s going through a rough time. Stop the self-bashing and offer some kindness instead.
Journaling – Let your inner voice vent on paper. It’s like giving your mind its own personal diary.
Positive Affirmations – Basically, brainwashing yourself with compliments. Repeat positive statements until your inner troll gets the message.
You’re the Director of This Mental Movie
Ultimately, you’re in charge of your mental space. You get to choose which voices get the mic — and which ones need to be shown the door.
Personally, I’ve learned that when a thought pops up that doesn’t align with who I know myself to be, I don’t just let it slide. I get curious. I pause, reflect, and ask: Where did that come from? Is it even mine? Do I actually believe this?
Because here’s what I’ve come to understand: I am not my thoughts — especially the ones that feel completely out of sync with my truth. Those misaligned whispers? They’re often just conditioning from the past, not reflections of who I am today.
You Are Not Your Thoughts (And Thank Goodness for That!)
You are not your thoughts. You’re the one observing them — the awareness behind the noise. You get to decide which thoughts are worth entertaining and which ones need to be shown the door.
So take a breath. Don’t let that inner troll steal the mic. The more you learn to tune in and ask who’s actually speaking right now?, the more you’ll realise...
You’ve been the wise one all along.
You just forgot how loud the A*hole can be.
Dana x
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