HOW A RECURRING DREAM HELPED ME OVERCOME FEAR - THE INTELLIGENCE OF DREAM-STATE

For as long as I can remember, fear lived at the top of a staircase in my grandmother’s house.

At some point in our lives, most of us have been jolted awake, heart racing, with the lingering terror of a nightmare. Whether monsters are lurking in the shadows with ghoulish horrors closing in, or dreaming of someone you love being hurt or taken away in the night, these dreams grip us with an overwhelming fear that can be hard to shake during our waking period.

I had horrific nightmares as a child: murderous, blood-slashing, evil and demonic dreams. They were just horrible — so terrifying that, looking back, I'm lucky I wasn’t committed to the loony bin. I would be woken by my mother shaking me awake as I was screaming and thrashing in tremendous terror.

These dreams were a consistent nightly companion throughout my youth, leaving me so terrified to go to bed each night, fearing what I might encounter.

Yet, one dream has been with me for as long as I can remember. A recurring nightmare so chilling that, even now, I can still feel the grip of fear that left me in its wake as a young child. This dream has followed me like a shadow even into my adult life — one that is refusing to let go — so my question is, what is this dream trying to teach me?

Let me tell you its story.

My Grandmother's House

My grandmother's house was based in the western suburbs of Melbourne. It was a single-storey dwelling, long in stature, with a single-fronted entrance. It was made of white wooden boards, with a tiny garden out the front and a fence to keep a boundary.

The house had a long hallway, so long that my sister and I would play cricket down it with a plastic bat and ball when we were kids — fun times with wonderful memories.

At the end of the hallway was an entrance to the kitchen, followed by a laundry that opened out into the garden and the old outhouse toilet.

I’m sharing this layout so you can better visualise the setting — because it’s important to the story that follows.

My Grandmothers House

I want you to picture that old outhouse toilet, its walls covered in bright, colourful stick figure paintings that my sister, our cousins and I created during our youth. Those artworks, splashed with all our youthful creativity, showcased the playfulness and innocence that comes from being a child.

The Recurring Nightmare

Now, in my recurring dream, stepping into that outhouse was like entering a different world. It was no longer a toilet but a dingy old room still adorning those paintings, with an unsettling staircase leading upwards into the abyss of unknown horrors.

I want you to imagine a blonde-haired little girl in a pretty pink dress, hair in pigtails, with her old, raggedy stuffed lamb dragging along the dirty, dusty floor. This would be me at the tender age of 4, looking up at this old staircase, drawn to it like a deer in the headlights.

With this scenario came an overwhelming sense of dread, as a sinister presence always seemed to linger at the top of that staircase. Behind an attic door at the landing, something terrifying awaited me. A blood-red glow seeped from beneath the door, casting its eerie light. Each time I began to climb the stairs, I would wake up — but not before fear would grip me so intensely that I’d be kicking and screaming in my bed.

The Stairs I Couldn't Conquer

Over the many years that I had this recurring dream, my attempts to climb that staircase persisted. Each time, the horrors kept their presence behind that damn door — I would often find myself saying, “I can do this.”

Step one, step two… “Yep, come on Dana, you can do it.”

Step three… “You can do it.”

I couldn’t do it.

And I would find myself frozen by the fear that kept my feet glued to the floor.

Sometimes, I dreamt of being in my grandmother's house without ascending the stairs, yet the ghostly staircase was always a looming presence from a distance — fear would again grip me.

The frequency of the dream varied, occurring every few weeks in my youth or sometimes stretching out over many months. In adulthood, I would still dream of it, but more sporadically than when I was younger.

Facing the Fear

As I got older, my courage grew, allowing me to progress higher and higher up the stairs. Sometimes, the stairs were made of heavy slabs of stone, and other times, they would be solid planks of thick, old, aged wood.

There at the top of the landing would be that ever-present sinister glow, sometimes changing to dark blue eerie hues, or to purples and greens.

When I hit my late 40s, I dreamt one night of again ascending the staircase. I remember feeling an apprehensive courage overcoming me, taking one step, then two, three, and finally making it all the way to the top of the landing.

Again, the evil presence was waiting. This time, it's red, blue, and purple colours screaming out to lure me in. I stood at that door with uncontrollable fear, hands shaking violently, stopping me dead in my tracks.

“Come on Dana, you can do this; you’ve come so far.”

So, I put my hand on the door handle, kept encouraging myself, turning, turning, turning, and finally found the courage to open the door and pass through it.

What Was Behind that Damn Door?

Well, let me tell you because what I found was truly unexpected…

As I opened the door, I was met by a beautifully, brightly lit room with yellow and white lighting; it was almost blinding. Old clothes were neatly arranged on racks in a corner, with wooden floorboards so polished that I could see my reflection in them.

The bright light presented feelings of love — blinding love with a sensitive, calming atmosphere.

I had absolutely nothing to be fearful of, and I ultimately, at that point, had conquered fear.

How the Dream Evolved

As I continued to mature, the nature of the dream underwent many changes. In recent dream sequences, my grandmother's house now included attached rooms, each housing its distinctive items and treasures.

Despite the dream’s representation of my grandmother’s house, my grandmother never appeared in any of these dreams, indicating her complete disassociation from any of my fears.

The dream scenarios altered — sometimes featuring different settings like the house being situated on a sharp-cornered street, having a back entrance, or undergoing new renovations.

Some dreams introduced rooms with antiques, old jewellery, and beautifully painted artworks. Others evoked negative vibes with musty old clothes, indicating my state of mind at the time.

The most recent dream, dated August 12, 2023 (I know this because I keep a dream journal), was remarkably vivid.

Within it, I explored my grandmother's house, admiring its items, planning an impressive renovation, and even preparing for dinner with my family and cousins.

Notably, the dream lacked the ominous staircase, suggesting a positive shift in my subconscious. I have not had the dream since.

Final Thoughts

I think about this dream often and how it shows the intelligence of dream-state, suggesting that we are guided by something much greater than our physical reality.

I marvel now at the wisdom that has come from my years of fear in my youth, to flourishing into an individual who now guides others to overcome the fears they face in their lives.

I fully believe we all come into this life with our own lessons to learn. I know that one of mine is to overcome fear. This dream has not only aided my transition from fearing fear itself, but also helped me discover the bravery within to endure and tackle any difficult situation I face as an adult.

Dreams are a blessing and a gift, and I encourage you to keep a dream journal by your bedside to capture them as soon as you wake — they’re your human energy system at work, guiding you with its mastery.

Reflecting on over a decade of keeping my own dream journal, I’ve discovered so much about myself — it’s truly mind-blowing. The journeys I’ve embarked on through my dreams have been nothing short of exciting, exhilarating and terrifying.

I love dream-state — it’s like setting off on a new adventure every single night, and your dreams have more to say than you might think — all you have to do is start listening.· 

Dana x

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