THE UNPAID ROLE OF A LIFETIME: HOW PARENTING TURNS YOU INTO A FULL-TIME THERAPIST
- Dana Briggs
- Apr 12
- 5 min read
Updated: Apr 14
Parenthood is a wild ride, filled with highs that lift you to the stars and lows that can break your heart into a million pieces. It’s an experience that defies logic, where your greatest joy and deepest pain can come from the same tiny human who once sat on their father’s shoulders. As parents, we’re not just raising kids; we’re raising the future—one scraped knee, one tear-stained cheek, and one tough conversation at a time.
The Emotional Anchor
In our family, I’m the emotional anchor, the therapy provider—the one who everyone turns to when the weight of the world feels a little too heavy. It’s a role I take seriously, though it often means I’m balancing the fine line between being a supportive listener and a secret warrior, ready to go to battle for those I love. Because let’s face it, raising kids isn’t just about making sure they eat their veggies; it’s about navigating the complexities of growing up, where the stakes feel impossibly high for them—and for us.
Love, Pain, and the Messy Middle
Having children is the most uplifting and heartbreaking experience I’ve ever had—truly, the essence of love. There’s the overwhelming heartbreak over a first love breakup, the less-than-glamorous moment of holding hair back after a sneaky drinking session down at the local foreshore, or the raw honesty of a deeply open conversation about coming out. Our kids embody our love, our pain, our heartbreak, our drive, our hopes, our dreams, our cringes, and so much more.
When Mama Bear Prepares for Battle
When my kids were in their junior years, one of my daughters would often come home in tears after being bullied at school. I’d say all the responsible things a mother should say, but in the background, I’d be secretly plotting a covert operation to take those f*#kers down. Because you feel your kids’ pain, right? And then, when they hit their teen years, friendship groups become an all-out battleground, especially for girls. Navigating that mess was worse for me than doing my taxes.
My parenting style was always based on natural consequences over punishment. I mean, the fallout from their actions was usually punishment enough, especially when you know they are good people. And let’s be real—simply threatening to take away the Game Boy or the mobile phone was way more effective, drawing my kids into line rather than grounding their asses for a week at a time (which would do my head in, in the process).
The Tone, the Confusion, the Learning
My youngest had a tone—and trust me, she’s suffered the consequences of it over the years. But as her mum, I could see so clearly that she genuinely struggled to even see it. Sometimes she’d say something and I’d cringe in the moment—so blunt, so unintentionally brutal. I’d have to pull her aside and speak to her quietly, while she stared back at me with those big, beautiful eyes, completely confused, wondering what the hell she’d done wrong.
Judgement Doesn’t Belong in a Schoolyard
What I’ve always found quietly interesting is how quick some adults can be to make assumptions about kids who aren’t their own. I remember a moment when a school teacher suggested that my daughter steer clear of a particular classmate, based on concerns about the child’s home life. The words used were strong—labels like “unfit” and “losers”—and while I’m sure the intent was protective, it left me feeling unsettled. It made me reflect on how easy it is to pass judgement without truly understanding someone’s story—or the energy they carry, shaped by their home life experiences.
When Silence Hurts More Than Words
I couldn’t help but chuckle to myself—quietly, of course—at the irony of adults, who were supposed to be wiser and more experienced, passing judgement on kids just trying to navigate the ups and downs of childhood.
I once found myself in a conversation where a young person who had transitioned from female to male became the topic. The comments shared were confronting, especially knowing the kind of inner struggle it must have taken for this young adult to navigate something so deeply personal at such a young age. It was one of those moments where I felt a deep sadness—not just for what was being said, but for my own silence. I didn’t speak up, and I still carry that with me. Not out of bitterness, but because it reminded me how easy it is to freeze in those moments, even when your heart knows better. Kids today face challenges that I never had to consider when I was their age, and I genuinely do believe they deserve more compassion, not less, as they try to make sense of who they are and where they fit in.
The Shift to Supportive Observer – You Can’t Take Away Their Struggles
Watching your kids grow up and become young adults is a bittersweet experience for any parent. You see them take on responsibilities—managing finances, building relationships, making career choices—and you realise that your role as a parent has shifted. You’re no longer the one guiding every decision but rather a supportive observer, offering advice when asked and cheering them on from the sidelines.
It’s a challenging transition, not just for them but for you as well. You worry about whether you’ve prepared them enough, if they truly understand the weight of their decisions, and how they’ll handle the inevitable setbacks. But you also recognise the importance of letting them figure things out on their own. You can’t take away their struggles, as these are the gifts that help them grow. They need to learn to stand on their own two feet, to make mistakes, and to learn from them. It’s in these moments of struggle that they build resilience and character.
Letting Go Without Losing Heart
As a parent, it’s natural to want to protect them from the harsh realities of life, but it’s equally important to trust in the foundation you’ve helped them build. You’ve given them the tools, the values, and the love they need to succeed. Now, it’s up to them to use those tools to create the life they envision.
In the end, watching your children step into adulthood is a reminder that parenting is a journey of letting go. It’s about trusting that, despite the challenges they may face, they’ll find their way in life.
The Emotional Rock (and Secret Warrior)
And so continues the journey of being the emotional rock, the therapist, all while keeping my inner warrior on standby. Because if there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s simply that being a parent is not just about guiding your children—it’s also about feeling every illness, every triumph, every heartbreak, and yes, every moment of pure, unfiltered rage when someone f*#ks with your kid—
And so, the covert operation begins.
Dana x
Human Energy Studies, Consciousness, Counselling and Hypnotherapy Services
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